Earlier than the jorts, earlier than the moustache, earlier than the low-key notoriety, I used to be on the prepare of Gardner Minshew. When Nick Foles went down within the first few quarters of his brief Jaguars tenure, I watched. Not as a result of I needed to, however as a result of I used to be near die-hard Jacksonville followers — who, as M&Ms and Santas converse, exist.
He had a competency that was greater than a fleeting nuance but to be discovered by the NFL protection. I am unsure if it was pitying my poor Jags pal or if I used to be simply being a prat and jokingly digging into Minshew mania, however for some motive I began this fatball in a number of fantasy leagues and received the Drang one way or the other resisted rolling his eyes and venting to Shake Weight about his antics.
The most recent addition to Minshew’s bounty of free time is an offseason promo about his jail bus transformed right into a cell hotbox. The Washington State graduate has lived away from Brian Fantana’s final identified whereabouts for 10 weeks, and research present that 60 p.c of the time the quarterback’s offseason routine is in his fourth yr works every time.
Kudos to you in the event you struggled via all 4 minutes and 22 seconds of the outrageous self-promotion linked above. Had I not been pressured to look at it for work I’d have turned it off throughout the acoustic guitar portion of the clip. No guarantees as to how lengthy that ax will keep intact if he blasts into the identical The Mamas & The Papas track for the umpteenth time, however hey, I might relatively hear Peter, Paul and Mary replay than set foot on that petri dish to place . Man is so crunchy it makes Nature Valley bars chewy.
And who’s the goal group of this montage? The Instagram floozies he is already matched with on Tinder? You want a hazmat swimsuit and a few penicillin simply to get inside 15 toes of the bus. Do you suppose the scent of weed is ingrained within the cloth, or is it extra of a Nag Champa aroma?
I ponder what Jalen Hurts thinks of his backup’s hyped video. Each incipient QB’s blunder in observe is speared by the Philly media, and all of the whereas Gardner rips up the bong, shoots commercials himself, and tries to determine how a lot weed it takes to lose all short-term reminiscence by smoking.
A part of me needs Minshew was the starter simply because Eagles followers do not get chilly. If this simpleton had been their quarterback, the parents at Lincoln Monetary would present up able to peel anybody with a handlebar mustache.
However good luck for the season, Gardner. Nevertheless, you may wish to double-check the place you park this cell biohazard. Philadelphians might not discover your present as cute as you suppose.